ON THE ROAD AGAIN...

After one more trip to the dentist with a wandering blade, the swelling in Bose's face has gone down and the infection is clearing. All is well at JIM School, things have actually been somewhat quiet. One of my neighbors died on Saturday from AIDS related illnesses. For personal reasons she refused treatment and didn't seem to accept her disease. For the past few days there have been people camped all around the place and lots of wailing. It's the second time I've experienced the wailing and I still find it rather unsettling. When they are mourning, certain woman in the family are supposed to wail and make loud grieving comments to each other. Sickness and death are such a big part of life here. It doesn't seem like people stop and take alot of time to grieve or nurse their illnesses, maybe because they cannot. I went to visit my neighbor, I call her jajja, to say I was sorry for her loss. We did the traditional greetings, then one of her relatives walked in, they broke into the wailing, then after a few minutes she picked up our conversation again. Later that day they were all watching World Cup football, cooking and laughing. So many Ugandans I have met seem to dwell firmly in the 'now.' There is a time for sadness, etc...but it seems to be compartmentalized. I imagine jajja will grieve the loss of her daughter but not in a way that I understand or am familiar with. When the JIM kids want a laugh, they beg Michelle to do her impressions of Ugandan's crying and then Europeans/Westerners crying. They think the way that we sniff and weep is hysterical.

My volunteering time in Uganda is coming to an end. What's cool is that my projects all naturally finished last week or will be finishing up this week. I have been working with BeadforLife on several different proposals...some I was researching, then giving my info to staff to let them decide whether or not to move forward. Another proposal I created myself. I designed a bag and had hoped that we could set up a tailoring group of HIV+ woman from MUDINET to learn how to make the bags that would eventually be sold in the States. BeadforLife currently has two beaders groups and one tailors group who make products that are sold in the States. The money made is put into a foundation that provides vocational training, etc... to the woman. I'd been working on the project for a little while and had alot of fun doing it. I was totally bummed when BeadforLife decided to not market the bag, felt like a big failure, etc... BeadforLife then contacted me again and said that they would like to work with the HIV+ women's group and train them to make an existing product. So actually, it worked out very well for the women-they will be trained to make a product, will start earning a living wage and absolutely have this opportunity to drastically improve their situations. These are impoverished women, some with many children, some widowed, all positive. My ego was still a bit bruised but I decided to do the home visiting with a girl from BeadforLife anyways (they home visit to ascertain whether or not these woman fit their criteria of impoverishment). It was one of those things that I knew I needed to do because it was the right thing to do, the right way to finish my work with these women but I was a bit sulky in my heart about it because MY idea hadn't worked out. Anywho, I'm so glad I went because I was able to see who these women were, how they lived, meet some of their children, see them excited about this new opportunity. It was so humbling as I realized it didn't matter at all that these women wouldn't be making my product design-it wasn't even about me. If I could just step aside for a second, tell my ego to hush, these women would have this awesome chance to be apart of BeadforLife and all the opportunities that entails. We will finish home visiting on Wednesday, then my time at BeadforLife is finished-what a way to go.

Next Monday I leave for Israel for two weeks to meet up with Sam. It's somehow so perfect that after my time here I will be able to spend some time exploring the Holy Land. I feel like this journey here has been one of growing faith. There were so many moments when I felt either physically isolated or isolated in my mind, thinking that no one could understand what I was experiencing. At those moments, I was forced, over and over, to go to a Higher Source of power to help me see clearly, or behave well, or accept, or forgive, or not respond to hatred with hatred. And every time assistance came my way and my peace was restored. I feel capable in a way that I've never felt before. I'm not ready to define that source yet and that's okay. I just want to enjoy the moments of peace when I believe It is always there for me.

I have struggled with the 'muzungu' shouts from the get-go, I think I complained about them in one of my first Africa blogs. Honestly, after a few thousand people yelled 'muzungu' at me, I started to want to smack people. For awhile I would yell back 'mudugavu' (muzungu means white person, mudugavu means black person) but that never felt good and it certainly never felt right. It even feels uncomfortable admitting it. A little while back, when I was struggling and asking the Universe for help, it came to me that I could yell back 'mukwano' instead. I don't know where the idea came from but 'mukwano' means friend. Now whenever people yell muzungu at me I respond with mukwano (or it's plural form) and a smile and just like that I'm able to respond with love instead of hate. I know it sounds simple and probably a bit dorky but things like this feel like my greatest accomplishments here. Learning to not take everything so personally and finally understanding that it doesn't matter what happens or how people treat me, I still need to behave in a way that I can feel okay about.

I also learned that I love Starbucks Chai and Hot Yoga and that I really am from California. And kind of proud to be.

Of all the journeys I've been on-the most vivid, challenging, exciting and AWESOME adventure is the one that happens every day inside my head and heart. Maybe I should start a blog titled 'On My Way To Lara'... or maybe not.