FUNDRAISING UPDATE
CURRENT: $5356 GOAL: $6350

This whole Africa adventure is beginning to feel very real to me. I spent the weekend packing up my place. I find myself not interested in having alot of material possessions right now. The weight of what I own can sometimes slow me down. So I've been making trips to the Salvation Army and spending time hemming and hawing over what is important to me-what do I want to keep, what do I want to bring. Truly I think I could be okay if I had my running gear, my music, my journal and books. I suppose I should throw in a toothbrush, some other personal hygiene stuff and maybe some clean undies and socks. I've been immersed in all of my stuff for the past two days and it boggles my mind how many things one girl can have. Do I really need to keep all my old prom dresses? What about old cards and letters? I seriously have at least 10 boxes of memorabilia. Over the years I've gotten rid of most of my random items but I cannot seem to let go of my memories.

I wonder about that. Why do I hang onto all of these nic-nacs that remind me of days past? Why do I spend hours documenting my life in journals? Why am I publishing an online journal, spending time writing esoteric ramblings that maybe one or two other people will actually read? Why am I creating a documented history of my life?

My friend Gioia annually hosts "Pink Week" (check out www.pinkweek.org). When she was in art school she decided to wear pink for an entire week just because she loved the color. She had noticed that when she wore pink or anything rainbow patterned, someone would assume she was supporting gay rights, breat cancer awareness, etc... She created this week celebrating color for the sake of color after receiving such a positive response from others who wanted to celebrate color. This year was the 12th annual pink week and it is now an international holiday.

I have tried to understand this holiday of hers and have even become an unofficial 'Ambassador of Pink' ( I spend the week in pink, hand out pink pins and stickers and in general support my friend). I think her dedication to it made the most sense when she said, we are all trying to live a life that can be remembered or is important in some way. I think that is why I create a history of my life because it is important to me that I live beyond the confines of the thoughts in my head-that I live out loud and may one day be remembered.

Billions of people have lived before me and billions will live after me(hopefully) and yet I still hope to be remembered. Why? Because I want to know that I didn't waste my time here, that something I did had a positive impact in someone's life, that while the imprint I will leave on this planet will be miniscule in the grand scheme of human existence-it will be entirely unique and just as necessary as everyone elses. My memorabilia, my journals, my pictures-they are all documentation of my unique imprint. So I am going to keep my boxes of memories for now...maybe one day I'll be ready to let them go, maybe I won't need them anymore. For now I just need to figure out what the heck to do with them while I'm in Uganda.

I love existentialist ramblings...