FUNDRAISING GOAL
CURRENT: $5906 GOAL: $6350

Elaine, Vince, Heidi, Paul and Ethan-thank you all so much. It's getting closer and closer to my departure date and I am FIRED UP! I spent some time in my friend Erin's 2nd grade classroom on Friday...she provided me with some fun, simple math lessons and her colleague gave me a bunch of ideas about learning with rhymes and song. I have no idea if I'll actually be able to use this stuff but I figure it's good to be prepared with something. I get the sense that I'm supposed to go to Naggalame, see what the needs are and use whatever skills I have to help out. The Program Director and I will put together my schedule after I've been there for a few days.

I had an incredible experience today. I was interviewed for the Sacramento Bee. My friend met the editor and connected me with one of their writers. I met Anita at Starbucks and we chatted for an hour. She asked alot of questions and I tried to be as simple and honest as possible. It comes to me again and again that these wonderful, new experiences I've had over the past 6 months have come simply because I became willing to work towards my dreams. I feel so much more willing to listen to that quiet part of me that says 'lara, go for it.' I feel myself stretching and grasping for things that once seemed so far out of my reach...

My friend and I spoke this weekend about creating boundaries for ourselves. I realize that it has been me throughout my life, who decided that their were limits on what I could accomplish or achieve. I have been my greatest obstacle, fears and a lack of faith in myself and the Universe, kept me limited in so many ways. I feel myself shedding the fears and self-imposed restrictions daily. What a relief-to finally be free.

I love this Marianne Williams quote (later used by Nelson Mandela),


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

FUNDRAISING UPDATE
CURRENT: $5706 GOAL: $6350

HOLY SMOKES!!! We've almost raised the money. Thank you, thank you, thank you-Valerie, Jacob, Tammy and Julee.

FUNDRAISING UPDATE
CURRENT: $5356 GOAL: $6350

This whole Africa adventure is beginning to feel very real to me. I spent the weekend packing up my place. I find myself not interested in having alot of material possessions right now. The weight of what I own can sometimes slow me down. So I've been making trips to the Salvation Army and spending time hemming and hawing over what is important to me-what do I want to keep, what do I want to bring. Truly I think I could be okay if I had my running gear, my music, my journal and books. I suppose I should throw in a toothbrush, some other personal hygiene stuff and maybe some clean undies and socks. I've been immersed in all of my stuff for the past two days and it boggles my mind how many things one girl can have. Do I really need to keep all my old prom dresses? What about old cards and letters? I seriously have at least 10 boxes of memorabilia. Over the years I've gotten rid of most of my random items but I cannot seem to let go of my memories.

I wonder about that. Why do I hang onto all of these nic-nacs that remind me of days past? Why do I spend hours documenting my life in journals? Why am I publishing an online journal, spending time writing esoteric ramblings that maybe one or two other people will actually read? Why am I creating a documented history of my life?

My friend Gioia annually hosts "Pink Week" (check out www.pinkweek.org). When she was in art school she decided to wear pink for an entire week just because she loved the color. She had noticed that when she wore pink or anything rainbow patterned, someone would assume she was supporting gay rights, breat cancer awareness, etc... She created this week celebrating color for the sake of color after receiving such a positive response from others who wanted to celebrate color. This year was the 12th annual pink week and it is now an international holiday.

I have tried to understand this holiday of hers and have even become an unofficial 'Ambassador of Pink' ( I spend the week in pink, hand out pink pins and stickers and in general support my friend). I think her dedication to it made the most sense when she said, we are all trying to live a life that can be remembered or is important in some way. I think that is why I create a history of my life because it is important to me that I live beyond the confines of the thoughts in my head-that I live out loud and may one day be remembered.

Billions of people have lived before me and billions will live after me(hopefully) and yet I still hope to be remembered. Why? Because I want to know that I didn't waste my time here, that something I did had a positive impact in someone's life, that while the imprint I will leave on this planet will be miniscule in the grand scheme of human existence-it will be entirely unique and just as necessary as everyone elses. My memorabilia, my journals, my pictures-they are all documentation of my unique imprint. So I am going to keep my boxes of memories for now...maybe one day I'll be ready to let them go, maybe I won't need them anymore. For now I just need to figure out what the heck to do with them while I'm in Uganda.

I love existentialist ramblings...